Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
