i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
