I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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