he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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