all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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