we made out on top of his cat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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