He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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