and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize