Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
