Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
