Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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