She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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