Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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