I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize