I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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