rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize