We're like a lot better than the average bears
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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