Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
