I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
