I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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