Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
