i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
