He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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