Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
