First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
