i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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