True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize