Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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