come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
