how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
