She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
