Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
