i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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