look no pants
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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