You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
