Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize