Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
