did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
