I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
