dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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