Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
