Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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