we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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