What a fucking waste of an outfit
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
