you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
