then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
