so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
