Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
