so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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