Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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