I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
