I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
please come you make the beer taste better
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
