I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
