I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
