That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
