He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
