There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
