If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
