You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
