Taylor Swift is so right about you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
