So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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