just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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