I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
