I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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