also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize