she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
