A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
