found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize