I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
