does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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