he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
