I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
