you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
