Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
