I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
