Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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