The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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