I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
