she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
