he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
