just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
