you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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