i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
