wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
