champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
