saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
