it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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