We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
